National Junk Food Day!!! LOL

July 21st is National Junk Food day according to Yahoo. A day we can take a break from all the hard dietary work we put in on a daily basis. A day we can finally let go of the rigors of packing our lunch, slaving over our whole wheat sandwiches, our brown rice, chicken and broccoli. Finally, the time has come in where just for one day, we forsake our ruthless standards of health and let it all go. Nothing is off limits for us:
Fiery hot Cheetos? check.
Big mac with a whopper on the side? Definitely.
Ice cream with extra sprinkles? Oh yeah.
Non-diet soda? Holla!
Twinkies, ho-ho's moon pies, and snowballs? well, I guess I could have just one (of each)
Tacos, pizza, and cheese steaks? Gotta eat something...

Sometimes it can be so refreshing to cheat a little and let loose right? But we as Americans live a lifestyle of cheating. There is literally no occasion when we're not stuffing our faces with EVERYTHING WE WANT. Think back on the last time you showed moderation during a meal when you didn't have to. The dinner where you take clients out for drinks at the french restaurant and only order hors d'ouvres doesn't count. Abstaining from the 4th brownie doesn't count. I'm talking about the time you order a full pizza and a 6 pack when you're at home alone watching Gilmore Girl reruns. Did you call it quits at 2 slices that night? Probably not.


Right now, my main goal in life is to establish a gag reflex for when I hear terrible excuses, so that I just begin vomiting uncontrollably all over the floor and the guilty party, so that they can feel my pain. Since I haven't been able to accomplish that feat yet, right now what I do is make a list of every time a morally bankrupt excuse offends me on a physical level, and when I go home at night, I slam my hand in the oven door repeatedly. Not a perfect system by any means, but it gets me through the day.

When we go out to eat, it becomes an 'occasion' where we're granted more leniency for eating quantities of food that would put a mongoloid into a food coma. Seriously? How many times do you go out to eat per week. If you're like most Americans, the answer is at least 3.5. Do you just forget what going out is like, and get excited to experience "The Olive Garden" and their real Italian cuisine? If so, God bless you. Life is going to be one fantastic surprise.  If not, you're just looking for another excuse to succumb to your poor eating habits, and it's you who hurt me on a very physical level.

Think about all the times you've made excuses based on very average, most likely mundane events. Nephew's birthday party? Gotta have cake. Aunt Myrtle's funeral? You'd be remiss to not drink 13 beers. It's what she would have wanted! First Friday of the month? Time for funnelcake.  4pm on a Thursday? might as well eat the last doughnut so we can throw away the box. The company should thanks you for this selfless act!

If you wanna look good, just do it. Eat well, and take the stairs. Quit justifying infantile "I see it I want it" behavior, lest I gain control of my gag reflex.

Test Dummies

So, I think I'm going to be putting together a book in the next few months, so that way you can carry around my words of wisdom in your pocket, and re-gift them 3 months later to your mother in law for her birthday. I'm trying to get my publisher to agree to a starting price of 1,000.00 per book, but he seems to think it's more reasonable to start at 7.99. Whatever, like he knows anything.

So I had a small request of you, if you feel the desire, to try out my test workout, which can be done at multiple stages during the book to test your overall fitness level, and how you've been progressing.  Give this a shot, and post your times to the comments if you wouldn't mind.

Just a word of advice, If you've never done anything like this before, don't try to kill yourself by doing it in 5 minutes. Take your time, and if this takes you the better part of an hour, that's totally ok. Take the amount of rest you want to, have a pina colada in between exercises, I don't care. Let me know if you man up and get it done though. If you don't have a pullup bar and can only do the other exercises, no prolem, leave them out. This is just a test.

50 total walking lunges
35 pushups
20 jumping pullups
20 burpees
30 total hands-to-elbows (plank position to pushup position. 15 each side)
10 narrow stance jumps
10 wide stance jumps
30 bodyweight squats hands overhead.


Ratings are below, and include equivalent characters from the Harry Potter movie series.

60+ min: Neville Longbottom in the first movie
45-60 min: Hagrid
35-45 min: The guys that Malfoy is always hanging out with
25-35 min: Dobby the elf
15-25 min: Picachu
10-15 min: Ron Weasly (as played by Wesley Snipes)
5-10 min: Dragons.

Worst Inventions Ever. Part I

In this edition of "Worst Inventions Ever", I'll be changing your paradigm about something that you use every day, all day, even though you're ruining your body forever because this particular invention actually despises you and your fitness goals.

This abomination of abdominal abscess, this pioneer of poor posture, this sultan of sensational slouching is called a 'chair' by many people in the world, but would be more correctly referred too as a 'corpus morsus' which is Latin for 'hunchback machine'. (no source)

Note: You shouldn't sit like this guy, mostly because you're not a criminal.

The human body was built to stand, walk, run, and stay active. By relegating ourselves to chairs for the majority of a workday, we essentially deactivate the following muscles:
Glutes
Hamstrings
Quads
Spinal Erectors
Rectus Abdominus
Internal and External Obliques
Scalenes
Low Pectorals
Low Traps
Rhomboids.

Pretty much every muscle in the elusive core that we all chase at our respective temples of fitness by doing single leg plyometric kettlebell squat thrusts on a bosu ball. Every muscle from your armpits to your knees is deactivated, or turned off while you sit.

Time for a quiz!

Do you want a six pack or nice abs?
A) No
B)Yes

Do you sit during the day?
A) Yes
B) No

If you answered A to either of these questions, you lose.

However, for those of us who have office jobs and can hardly convert to a standing desk. (a fantastic idea if you have the means) there is hope.  (not much though).

By practicing correct posture and abdominal bracing while you sit, you can alleviate some of the symptoms associated with chronic sitting.  Figure out how to stand correctly first, with your spine in a neutral position by standing up, and trying to flex all of the aforementioned muscles at the same time. Keep your back tight, chest up, butt and quads tight, and push your stomach out to engage your abs much like you were pushing out against a belt. You don't have to be straining, but there should be a good deal of tension in all your muscles.

A good litmus test for if you're doing this right is if you were to stand up in the middle of the office and do it, people would be looking at your strange, and someone would hopefully ask you if you were mad about something.

Now continue to hold that position as you sit back down. You chest should be up, shoulders down, and abs tight with your back not touching the back of your chair.

If you catch yourself slouching, snap yourself with a rubber band, because you have no right to do that. What, are you tired from your long day sitting? Negative. Stop being posture lazy and fix yourself.

We've all seen the elderly (and young) people with rounded upper backs. That's called thoracic kyphosis, and it's caused by tight chest, and a weak upper back from sitting poorly, often times in front of a desk. If you want a built in system to make sure that you don't hunch during the day, stand up straight with perfect neutral posture, and have someone put a strip of duct tape across your back, a little lower than each shoulder. You'll definitely remember to sit upright, especially if you're hairy.

Want a built in way to keep yourself from having a hunchback and shoulder problems for the rest of your life? Grab a band that's not too heavy, and with straight arms and, you guessed it, perfect neutral posture, pull the band apart, taking care to squeeze your shoulder blades together and hold it for a second.  Do this 100 times per day, and you'll have a sexy back, and even sexier posture.

For more suggestions on how to improve yourself in this arena, read this article, written by my best friend.



 If you find that you have problems with posture, or upper back mobility,  post to the comments, and I can help you improve that and improve your life.

Goat's Milk vs Regular Milk. An Objective Analysis.

I recently had the pleasure of seeing goat milk on sale at my friendly neighborhood market place, and I took advantage of this occasion to give you dear readers a taste (so to speak) or the differences between regular poor people milk, and the highly sought after goat milk.

Calories
Because goat milk has around 10 g of fat vs regular milk's 8 or 9, and due to the fact that it's way easier to find low fat cow milk, at 140 cal per 8 oz, goat's milk loses this one. Or wins, if you are anything like me, and enjoy drinking tons of calories.

Protein
Goats and Cows have different types of curd in their milk, which yields different kinds of proteins. Goat milk  (hear after will be referred to as GM) has a quicker digested proteins than RM (hats off to you if you figured this one out on your own). So GM wins this one. Or loses, depending on if you want a slow digesting casein protein.
 
Lactose
GM has often been touted as being magic milk because of it's ability to be digested by those who are lactose intolerant. So it wins this one. RM 4.7% lactose. GM 4.1% lactose. Yep, you heard it here first.

Vitamins and Minerals
GM has 13% more calcium, 25% more B-6, 47% more A, 134% more potassium, 300% more niacin, and 400% more copper (?). So goat milk wins. Especially if you love copper.

Taste
Whole milk: 8
2% milk: 7
Skim milk: 5
Goat Milk: 9

Cost
Cow Milk 2.79 Gal.
Goat Milk 15.96 Gal.

Chance of Getting Mad Cow Disease From Milk

Goat Milk 0%
Cow Milk 100%

Make your own mind up here, but Goat milk, even though I did feel like I was drinking clouds from heaven while I consumed it, is far to expensive for me to enjoy on a regular basis. However, if you have a friend who's birthday is coming up, I'm sure they would love a cold pint of the frothy white delight. You're welcome for that idea.

What Doesn't Kill You Will Eventually Kill You.

Do you like eating chicken nuggets when you go out for some fast food? Do you buy breaded chicken products at the grocery store? Well, congratulations, you're helping to the keep the economy afloat.  Seriously, put that on your resume, see if anyone asks about it.


In addition to being a patron of large and small business (God bless you.), you're also consuming MSP. Mechanically seperated poultry. According to some sources, MSP is manufactured by grinding up the remainder of the chicken, flavoring it, and breading it. Jamie Oliver shows a simpliefied version of it below. (4 min long or so, skip through it if you're at work and can't get caught watching youtube videos)

This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "meat gloop". And unless you're a member of a Canadian based internet video sensation pseudo chef group, it's really not necessary to be associated with or consume meat gloop at all.

Happy Eating!

I Just Invented a New Exercise

I call it swimming. Try it at home in your water pool. It's done by jumping off your diving board, and using your arms and legs to propel yourself across the fluid-like mass that you keep in your backyard concrete ditch.
Take a timeout from your water guns and your underwater submarine tag games and try to burn some calories before you partake in your diece y siete de mayo binge party.
You probably think: "Ha! swimming? That's a stupid name for an exercise, plus I look like the guys from the movie 300, so I'm good at doing everything."

But you're wrong.

Try this, see how long it takes for your lungs to catch on fire.

Swim 4 laps in your pool. (If you don't have one, use your neighbor's.)
25 pushups
25 squats.

Repeat. See how many rounds you can complete in 30 minutes.

This is not only a good way to work on your cardio, but it's great for that base summer tan. (I'm just looking out for you from an aesthetic point of view.)
How do you stack up?

1-3 rounds. You need to try harder. [3rd grade school play
4-5 rounds. Average. [Bear Grylls sans both arms and 1 lung]
6-7 rounds. Getting there. [You're the Bon Jovi of fitness]
8-10 rounds. Passionate [Vin Diesel in every movie]
11-13 rounds. Panther-like. [Stereotypical eastern European]
14+ rounds. Legendary [Like the baby of Michael Phelps and an angel]

The Food Pyramid Hates You

This is the food pyramid. For those of you that grew up under a rock, this is the food guide that we've learned about since grade school showing us how to eat correctly. That's great! The only tiny little bad thing about it, is that it's not designed with your actual dietary needs in mind.
Let's take a step back to the dark roots of the food pyramid for a second though.

It was first invented by, you guessed it, the Egyptians in early 4000 BC. It was made to be a device to trick their slaves into eating terrible things. Roughly translated, this pyramid says, from bottom to top:
'Dirts'
'Orange peels'
'Flat bread'
'Crocodile'
'Meat water'
'Insects'


So, as you can see, this is clearly not a correct macro nutrient ratio, especially for growing slaves that have to build giant monuments. After Ramses II (Also known as Ramses the Wicked) died, his twin brother Ramses II (also known as Ramses the Nutritionist) took power, and the food pyramid was done away with.

At certain times during history, it has been seen to rear it's ugly head, specifically during the middle ages (See Black Plague), World War II, and Harry Potter.

After that, it had it's most recent appearance in Denmark, and then was picked up in 1992 by the USDA. The United States Department of Agriculture. This is problematic on two levels. First of all, I don't need the Government telling me how to eat. They can't be trusted. (Soylent Green anyone?) And secondly, it would seem as if the USDA has a vested interest in getting us to eat certain kinds of food based on what was best for the farmers and ranchers, and not on dietary constraints. That might not be true, but it's definitely a conspiracy theory you should be aware of.

On top of that, science has shown us that a diet high in cereal grains is not a healthy way to go. If you eat somewhere in the middle of your 6-11 servings of carbs, even  with a healthy choice like whole grain bread, you're still looking at 120 cal per slice x 8 servings or 960 calories of pure carbohydrates. This might be ok if you're an elite athlete training 4hours per day, but it certainly is not alright for your average cubicle hero.

Science has come a long way from where it has been. We're almost at the end of the line with Low or No Fat diets, and we've since switched to demonizing carbs and making them the ones responsible for obesity in America, diabetes, and Rebecca Black's rise to stardom.

However, this still has yet to be reflected in society's general eating habits. Aside from the diet books and fitness magazines, there is very little change in what the FDA and the government recommends you eat daily. What change there is, is reflected in portion size, and not necessarily makeup of meals. A step in the right direction, but it doesn't cut it.

Do we need government backing to eat well? No. If the government did tell us how to eat, would we do it? Probably not. Are we as a society lazy and weak willed? Yes. Am I undeniably handsome? Absolutely.

If you can, or if you care, try to stick to a diet that's 40-45% protein 35-50% carbs, and 10-20% fats. The 50% carbs doesn't mean ice cream and wonder bread though. Stick with low amounts of cereal grains, and high amounts of veggies and legumes,


And now for two enormous bonus tips for the people that have read this far:
1) I've heard it called the "green faces" diet. It's easy. You can/should eat it if it's green and grows, or if it had a face at some point. This relegates you to eating a lot of lean meats and protein, and vegetables. Perfect. Don't eat it if it once had a face, but now is green. That's bad.
Also, eggs count.

2) 100 grams to freedom. If you're trying to cut down on weight, just restrict your carbohydrate intake to 100 grams per day. The idea is that you, being smart and efficient, will only eat the good carbs, and cut out the bad, but offers the insurance policy that even if you do eat poorly, you can only eat a small amount of bad stuff.

Try #2, let me know how soon you can see your abs.

Straight Off the Eastern Bloc.

Boom. This just in, from Russia with love. A great way to work out your legs, while simultaneously working on your Soviet culture. Introducing: The Bulgarian Split Squat. This is an exercise that can, and will fight you.  If you've ever had any illusions of lower body grandeur, the BSS will soon fix your mind and your body. But mostly your mind, because that's where you're broken.

Just from experience, I can tell you that it is my personal belief that this exercise has taken the form of a dragon and has not only stolen things out of my desk drawer while I wasn't home, but also chopped down a tree in my backyard, burned the ground in the shape of hammer and sickle, and then started a cult.

Here's how to do it, and a few variations of it.
 
Stand about 3 feet in front of a bench, a chair, a table, a couch, or something sturdy that is about knee level or a little higher. Start on one food, and find your balance. With the other foot, go ahead and push it back, and let it rest on the top of the item behind you. I prefer doing it with the top of my foot on the top of the object, but you can do it on your toes if you have great dorsiflexion mobility. (you can pull your foot towards your knee pretty well) Test it out, it varies based on your biomechanics.

From there, go ahead and squat down with the front leg, making sure to drive the back knee back and down, and let it bend. Don't let the front knee go over the front toe. This is bad.

Notice how in the picture, he forms a right angle with his front knee and hip.  That's good form.  Do it like that.

It's not complicated, give it a few tries on each leg. One leg will be weaker than the other. Start with that leg every time. Also, if you've never done this before, it would be prudent to start of with just your body weight. Any more, and you're in danger of feeling like someone took a mallet to your glutes while you were sleeping. But hey, if you're in a dangerous mood, go for it.

A couple notes on what this exercise is:
A great way to work your inner and outer thigh (ladies?)
A great way to work your balance
Simple
A great way to work your abs and obliques
A great way to work you glutes (read: A great way to feel like you started a chemical fire on your backside)
A great way to improve posture/burn calories/look rad at the gym/etc.

A couple notes on what this exercise is not:
A great way to have a light workout
Bench press
Elliptical machine
North American
A great way to pick up chicks (kinda hard to impress anyone with your lungs on the outside of your body)
Fun / mentally easy / hella tight

"But Nate!" you say. "I can squat my bodyweight, I'm no stranger to the gym, and I just consumed a Tyler Ells sized portion of NoExplode and F16 fuel, and my heart is going to explode if I only do bodyweight exercises!"

Great work Skippy, glad to hear it. Try one of these variations.

1) Weighted. Get a weight vest, grab some dumbbells, a kettlebell, your little sister, whatever you have available. Hold it in one hand, both hands, on your back, in front of you, etc. The possibilities are endless.
2) Increase range of motion. Stand on a box or a pile of weights. Feel that stretch in your hams, glutes and groin. Yep. That's fun.
3) Oh, you're the balance master? Probably not. Grab a set of TRX straps and put your back foot in that. Or put your back foot on a Swiss ball. Or close your eyes. n00b.
4) Got all this down? Too easy? Whatever Sven. Time to add some more Slavic influence. Introduce some German Volume Training, and see how you feel tomorrow. I'll bring you a wheelchair. 10 sets of 10 reps.  I didn't say it was smart, just German.
5) Is your cardio game locked down? Can you run for hours on end like a mystical gazelle? Pfft. Do a set, rest for a minute, do another set. Oh, did I say rest? I meant hold a push up position plank.

 

Suck it up and get it done. Talk to you later.

Your Cardio Routine is Laughable.

There was once a day in my life when I was not happy and did not have bountiful amounts of energy. This has only happened one time. Normally I not only have enough energy for myself, I have enough to power a medium sized blow dryer for up to 7 hours. On this particular day though, I was sitting at Big Box Gym Inc. (tm), minding my own business, wallowing in despair, much like a middle aged housewife who has just learned that Oprah's book club was now reading the ''Left Behind'' series.

Yea, it was a rough day.

When out of the corner of my eye, I saw something that caught my attention and piqued my interest. I turned around, and too my great delight I was greeted with a sight that caused me to break first into a chuckle, and then into a full on belly laugh causing people to stare, glass to break, and children to cry first, then rapidly mature into responsible young adults.

What I saw was a a person that I had previously offered assistance in helping to lose weight that had turned me down and insisted that they would be able to do it on their own. But that's not why I was laughing. This person was standing on the elliptical machine, where they had spent their last 45 minutes, talking on the phone at a normal rate of speech, and not sweating.

THIS was how they planned to get their summer beach body? THIS was going to get them off their high cholesterol medication? THIS was going to keep them from being obese?

I laughed and laughed, and when I was through, I went to the bathroom and threw up.

Unfortunately most people look at cardio this way. They go to the gym, find the first piece of open equipment, and spend 30 minutes there. No plan, no goal, just 30 minutes of moving their legs.

That being said, there are ways of utilizing machines effectively, but why bother? There are roughly 1 billion other things you could be doing to burn calories and get the body you want, that are simpler and way more productive.

You'll never going to get toned abs, back hips, or thighs walking on a treadmill. The calories burned walking at 3.0 miles per hour for an hour, are so minimal, that you could burn approximately the same amount by quilting for roughly an hour and 15 minutes. Is that appealing to you? Going to the gym so that you can burn as much fat as your grandmother does when she goes to play bingo and mahjong with the girls?

If you're not making an attempt to create new muscle mass to replace your fat, you're not being effective with your time. Get off the recumbent bike and do some push ups and squats. I'll even include a small cardio circuit at the end of this article for you to follow. You're welcome. Bottom line, get off the machine, and do some actual work. If you're not working to the point where you're sweating, you're not working hard enough.  "But Nate!" you say, "I am sweating on the elliptical machine!" Fine. Do what you enjoy, but at least make your time more valuable by doing intervals and hills.

A1) body weight squats
A2) lunges
A3) pushups
A4) Plank

B1) Squat Jumps
B2) Side Lunges
B3) Hands to elbows
B4) Back bridge on hands

Do each for 30 seconds, do both A and B 2 times each, Rest 2 minutes between each set. Should take exactly 14 minutes to finish all of it. If you can do the whole thing, email me, I'll give you a prize.

30 Minutes of Passion.

Not only is this the title to my racy new adult novella, it has a lot of practical applications in the gym as well.

How long do you work out for? If you answered; "an hour", "two hours", "15 minutes", "not at all", or "ice cream!" you're probably doing it wrong. Even if you do work out for 30-45 minutes, you're still probably doing it wrong. But guess what? Buy my DVD and in addition to receiving an hour long movie of me standing and berating you, you also get the right answer to my question and a free Tai-Bo workout VHS that I bought at a garage sale!

THAT'S AWESOME.

According to the old way of thinking, (read: bad way of thinking) each workout should take about an hour and a half to do all your warm ups, workout, cool down, and chat up the girls on the treadmill. But now, using advanced technology you can cram the same amount of work into around 40 minutes, and that's if you include a shower at the end!
That's a lie, there have not been any scientifically proven ways to hit on the treadmill bunnies more efficiently.

However, you can maximize your time at the gym and do the same amount of work, by following a few simple rules. I love rules.

1)Smart programing.
What this doesn't mean is going to the gym with a "well, maybe I'll do some bicycle today, then maybe some cables, then probably watch that Tai-bo VHS that I have at home..." attitude. That's stupid and not productive. If you or anyone you know is going to the gym without at least a rough plan, you lose.

Also, don't plan your workout poorly. If you don't know how to workout effectively, go see a professional (me), or figure out a workout that comes from a reputable source that you can do without looking like an idiot, injuring yourself, or looking like an idiot while injuring yourself. Very important. For example, a bad workout idea would be starting with curls, working in some overhead press, then ending with leg extensions. Just because you read it that it was Arnold's primary workout in "muscle and fitness" mag, doesn't mean it's good. I don't want to explain why not right now, but I might later. (oooooooh, cliffhanger!)

Another reason smart programming is important, is because you can do a lot more work in a shorter period of time if you program correctly. If you're going to do 5 sets of bench press anyways before moving into your sweet 2-0-4 tempo lat pull downs, you might as well condense them together and do double the work in the same time period. Since they're working opposing muscle groups, performance wont suffer at a muscular level. You'll burn more calories, and everything will think you're ultra smart. And for the guy that's doing the heavy squats and "couldn't possibly do anything else in between", do something low intensity like grip work or pre-hab work for your shoulders, because you're probably going to end up hurting them anyways. Band pull-aparts, wrist rollers, or just squeezing a tennis ball will help you in the long run.

Is that too hard? Then quit jawing with the guy next to you about how you "benched way more than this last week" and stretch your hip flexors.

Supersets and circuits are your new best friend.

2)Higher intensity!
This is where the passion comes in. You probably don't need as much rest as you think you do. Let's say you're doing overhead press with the pink dumbbells. You're supposed to do 3 sets of 10 reps. So you do 10, put them down, grab a drink, do 10, put them down, admire your leggings, do 10 more. Congratulations, you just wasted a bunch of my time, because I want to use those dumbbells and you're hogging them. Besides, everyone knows they look way better with my leopard print toms than your stupid Nike's

Instead of doing the 3x10 that's perscribed, why don't you just try to get to 30 total? Go until you're a rep or two shy of failure, and rest then. For a lot of women with the dumbbells, you'd be surprised at how many you can do. 20 or 30 is not uncommon. If this is the case, up the weight. You deserve it.

3) Better Exercise Selection
This goes hand in hand with smart programming. But pick 'bang for your buck' exercises. trade your calf raises for leg press, and rear deltoid flies for heavy rows. Whether this is on a machine or free weight, it's always going to be better to do exercises that use more than one joint. These are called compound movements and they should be the bread and butter of every workout you embark on. I don't care if you're 19 and athletic or 89 and decrepit. If you are in perfect health, or just had your back amputated. This is always the case.

OK. Ready for a sweet freebie?
Full body workout:

Warm-up with
10 burpees
20 push ups
50 jumping jacks

A1) Lat Pull down x 15
A2) Reverse Lunge (body weight) x 15 each leg
A3) leg swings x25 each leg

B1) Leg Press x 10-15
B2) pushups x 15
B3) Stretch hamstrings 30 sec each side

C1) Dumbbell Swings x 10
C2) Wall sit x 30 seconds
C3 Overhead push press x 8-12

Do each circuit between 1 and 3 times, depending on how awesome you are.

....And just say no to pink dumbells.

Mind + Muscle = Money

For many people who frequent the neighborhood LA Fitness,(read the Southern and Mill LA Fitness), the sight of someone hoisting a load that is too heavy for them is commonplace. Whether one of their frat brothers is yelling in their ear "YOU GOT THIS BROZILLA!!" and lifting the barbell off their chest, or if it's the washed up old guy doing a partial rang of motion movement, slamming the weight down with vigor, and then getting up and glaring at everyone else as if we were all responsible for killing his childhood pet with a flamethrower. Every so often I also see someone wildly gesticulating out of the corner of my eye, and I think, "wow, I must help that person, because I know CPR, and it appears that they are drowning." I quickly remember that their is no water to speak of near the dumbbell rack, and this person is just doing some form of heavy curls meets jazzercise. Jazzercurls. There's an article in Men's Health about it I think...

When I see these things, I swallow my hatred (it has about 80 calories) and move on, but not before thinking that I would love to sit these fellows down and teach them a good lesson about the mind muscle connection.

One of the most overlooked and important parts of lifting weights is establishing a link between the movement you're doing and the muscle you're working. This does a variety of things. First of all, it helps ensure that your form is correct, which is a big deal, but only if you're interested in being fit, strong, and staying healthy. Secondly, it helps more directly target that muscle, which increases the activation of the muscle fibers, and increases blood flow to the area, which helps with the healing process after the workout.

Now, how to do it. Get down on the floor and lay on your back. Bring your feet up and plant them near your butt. Put your hands behind your head, and do a crunch. Feel good? Do 9 more.
When you get done, take a second before you do another set. For you second set, get down in the same position, dig your heels into the floor to take your legs out of the picture, and squeeze your abs. Squeeze them like you think I'm hiding in your closet, and at any minute I could jump out and hit you in the gut. Got it? Now that you're squeezing hard, repeat those 10 crunches, and concentrate on how your abs are pulling the entire time.

There should be a distinct difference in how your abs feel at the end of this 10. Unless you're some kind of super stud and in that case, do 100 crunches. It's really easy and self explanatory, but it's something a lot of people gloss over in their training. Want toned legs? Think about them and squeeze during your lunges. Toned butt? Do the same when you're squatting. It's easy to get lazy and just push through the movement, but if you do that, you're no better than the guy with a face tattoo who's singing "Black and Yellow" and benching with his homies. Think about that.

Your muscle has no idea how much weight you're lifting, and it doesn't care. That's why you see some guys who are ripped off of nothing but bodyweight exercises, and how someone else can bench their weight but have no visible muscles at all. Also diet is a teeny tiny factor, but that's a different article.Channel Bruce Lee while you're exercising, and you'll never go wrong.

Craft a Glorious Behind.

When I talk to a lot of women, and ask them about what they would specifically like to change about their bodies, most of the time it revolves around three problem areas; butts, guts, and legs. Here's the bad news about that. Fat stores in genetically predetermined places. If you're super unhappy with your pick in the genetic lottery, blame your parents. I mean, they take the blame for everything else in life, from the bad attitude and mohawk you were rocking in 9th grade, to your career as a copy paper salesman and your 1992 Ford Taurus. Just blame it all on mom and dad, and move on. Easy enough. The other piece of bad news for the ladies is that it's not only genetics that play into it. A big part is also gender determined. So ladies, that problem will never go away, your fat will always go right back to those hips and thighs. Sad face!

Ready for some good news! Smiley face! You're lucky because the hips and thighs have some of the largest and most powerful muscles in the body. They're your prime movers, and some of the stars include your gluteus maximus, your semimembranosus (hamstrings), and quadriceps femoris.

And even though by and large spot reduction is not possible, there are some ways of pulling fat from specific areas. Yes, this is hearsay in many fitness communities and secret health blog societies, but I'm here to educate you dear reader, even though I may burn on the same fires that consumed the shake weight and the thigh master. One of the main reasons that stubborn fat sticks around in certain areas is because of A) twinkies and B) lack of blood flow to the area.

Increase blood flow to the area, and you'll increase the rate of fat reduction from that spot.

That's all well and good, but how is it done? Well, if you're really interested in reading a lot about it, Dr. Lonnie Lowry has a great article about it here. If you want the short version and dislike the thought of being redirected to a site that features pictures of shirtless heavily muscled men lifting cars and phrases like myo-facial release, read on.

There are two keys to increasing blood flow. The first is warming the area. This can be done through bikram yoga, running/leg exercises, or something tight like compression shorts. It doesn't need to be tight to the point of cutting off circulation, and god forbid that it's as tight as Chazz (not for the easily offended or people who are not tight).

The second key to increasing blood flow is just working the muscle, causing vaso-dialation within the area you're working and causing your body to send blood and nutrients there to heal the muscles that you're ruthlessly tearing apart with your wicked wall sits and grueling goblet squats.

Boom, so that's it. Easy. An afterthought: If you continue to eat like garbage, or eat garbage itself, you will not lose fat. You will gain it. Then you will be mad at me for lying to you, when in actuality, I did not lie to you. I'm on your team here. So much so that I'm going to include a sweet workout for you to try at home today to build a beautiful bottom on your own. That's right! Plus it's only 2 easy payments of 19.95! Pay me later, it's ok.

Lunges.

Middle Position

Start/End Position

These are a great bang for your buck exercise. Whether you step out, or step back,or do them in place, DO THEM. Start with 10 if it's your first time. Make sure that you form a 90 degree angle with your front knee, and with your back knee. If you're getting any knee pain, stop what you're doing, go find a mirror and reevaluate your position. Or call me, I have magic hands, and not the magic hands that cost a quarter at seedy motels.

1-leg Hip Bridge
Lay on your back on a mat, bring your feet up and plant them near your butt, then extend your right leg out, so that it's at the same angle as your left thigh. Then, squeezing your butt and abs, lift your hips off the ground so that you're on your shoulders and right foot. Grunt and repeat.

The challenge for you today, is do 100 lunges on both of your legs, then 100 hip bridges on both legs. Do them all at once, in two sessions, 10 at a time as soon as your boss isn't looking, whatever. Just get them done. If you already worked out or have yet to do so, great! Consider it bonus points. Or make up work, depending on what you did this weekend. My lovely fiance has a rule with her students. The punishment for not doing the work, is doing the work.

Get it done.