Showing posts with label fighting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fighting. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Toe Shoes Vs. The Mountain

If you live in the greater Phoenix metro area, you know what Camelback mountain is. If you're not from the area, or you don't pay attention to local topography, it kind of looks like this:

Less snow on top, and really no grass leading up to it, but just about the same. If Paradise Valley had an evil overlord, he would most assuredly live in a fortress in camelback mountain. There's no doubt in my mind. It's recently become a fascination of my to wake up super early in the morning, drive to the base of camelback, and climb up it. And since I apparently can't think clearly, I've been wearing my Vibram 5-fingers going up. Mine look like this:
They've got a super awesome rubber sole, and mesh on top to keep stuff out. At first they're weird to wear. Separating your toes like that is not something we're used to doing, so it can be kind of uncomfortable, or at least a new sensation. It also takes about 2 weeks to break them in. If you think you're super hardcore, can handle anything and don't need to read directions and decide that breaking them is only going to take you 1 day, you can end up with a minor stress fracture in your foot.
Here's how!
Step One) Order Virbams
Step Two) Receive Vibrams in the same manor that a child would receive candy
Step Three) Put Virams on (albeit poorly)
Step Four) Try to run 6 miles.

Lucky for you guys, I tested that out for you, and it does indeed work. If you're planning on doing any running, start with a trip around the block, then the next day do two trips, next day three trips, etc, until after about 2 weeks you're running three miles or so. That's the proper way to do it apparently. And also a good way of rehabbing your foot after you fracture it.

So, I've had these shoes for about a year now, and I've been experimenting with them in different facets. Running, weightlifting, Going to the beach, walking on small rocks, doing wall taps, skateboarding, drinking beer, and playing house. It works for some things better than others, but they're just fun to wear. Also, they're kind of like always walking an ugly dog because no matter where you go people look at you and ask you if you dressed yourself in the morning, and why your socks are so fugly.

Anyways, I decided that I wanted to branch out and take my shoes hiking up Camelback, because that sounds rad.
The first time I went up, I decided to go up Echo Canyon, which is the steeper side, which also has the added benefit of having large smooth boulders, which turn my toe shoes into Super Elite Ninja Warrior Shoes, and gives me +5 mountain climbing ability.
The second time I went up, I went up the Cholla route, which more more like a traditional 'hike' and less like a mountain climb. In Arizona, what this means is that there are rocks the size of you fist scattered all over the trail that I assume have been sharpened by ancient Native American warriors, and placed point up to stab hikers. Typically, one would think of this trail as being easier than the other, but going from having been endowed with super toe shoe speed and fortitude, to having my shoes become what felt like light fabric between my feet and Navajo arrowheads.
During one of these foot stabbing occurrences, I slipped off the rock that had been maiming the bottom of my left foot, and in an effort to make myself look cool, I did one of those no-I-didn't-trip-I-just-started-jogging-for-no-reason maneuvers, and while doing this and simultaneously trying to go uphill, I smashed my right foot into a huge piece of schist. I don't know for sure how, but my friend I was hiking with said that a rock formation suddenly jutted up underneath me. Probably due to some seismic activity from the new Kanye West and Jay -Z album dropping today.
Instead of doing what I probably should have and checking my toes or turning around, I kept going. Yes, I kept going dear readers, because I wanted to give you an accurate account of what it was like to hike in Vibrams. You're welcome.
So I made Camelback my own personal Trail of Tears (too soon?), and limped all the way to the top and back down.
Coming down on the other side with all the boulders wearing the Vibrams, I was able to harness the power of the gecko and kind of spider-man my way down. Coming down on the other side, I teetered and limped like a geriatric pirate across a minefield.

Good news is though, all the toes on my left foot are totally fine! The bad news is that the second to last one on my right is definitely broken, and the middle one is kind of suspect at this point too...

Once again, you're welcome.



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Monday, August 1, 2011

National Junk Food Day!!! LOL

July 21st is National Junk Food day according to Yahoo. A day we can take a break from all the hard dietary work we put in on a daily basis. A day we can finally let go of the rigors of packing our lunch, slaving over our whole wheat sandwiches, our brown rice, chicken and broccoli. Finally, the time has come in where just for one day, we forsake our ruthless standards of health and let it all go. Nothing is off limits for us:
Fiery hot Cheetos? check.
Big mac with a whopper on the side? Definitely.
Ice cream with extra sprinkles? Oh yeah.
Non-diet soda? Holla!
Twinkies, ho-ho's moon pies, and snowballs? well, I guess I could have just one (of each)
Tacos, pizza, and cheese steaks? Gotta eat something...



Sometimes it can be so refreshing to cheat a little and let loose right? But we as Americans live a lifestyle of cheating. There is literally no occasion when we're not stuffing our faces with EVERYTHING WE WANT. Think back on the last time you showed moderation during a meal when you didn't have to. The dinner where you take clients out for drinks at the french restaurant and only order hors d'ouvres doesn't count. Abstaining from the 4th brownie doesn't count. I'm talking about the time you order a full pizza and a 6 pack when you're at home alone watching Gilmore Girl reruns. Did you call it quits at 2 slices that night? Probably not.


Right now, my main goal in life is to establish a gag reflex for when I hear terrible excuses, so that I just begin vomiting uncontrollably all over the floor and the guilty party, so that they can feel my pain. Since I haven't been able to accomplish that feat yet, right now what I do is make a list of every time a morally bankrupt excuse offends me on a physical level, and when I go home at night, I slam my hand in the oven door repeatedly. Not a perfect system by any means, but it gets me through the day.

When we go out to eat, it becomes an 'occasion' where we're granted more leniency for eating quantities of food that would put a mongoloid into a food coma. Seriously? How many times do you go out to eat per week. If you're like most Americans, the answer is at least 3.5. Do you just forget what going out is like, and get excited to experience "The Olive Garden" and their real Italian cuisine? If so, God bless you. Life is going to be one fantastic surprise.  If not, you're just looking for another excuse to succumb to your poor eating habits, and it's you who hurt me on a very physical level.

Think about all the times you've made excuses based on very average, most likely mundane events. Nephew's birthday party? Gotta have cake. Aunt Myrtle's funeral? You'd be remiss to not drink 13 beers. It's what she would have wanted! First Friday of the month? Time for funnelcake.  4pm on a Thursday? might as well eat the last doughnut so we can throw away the box. The company should thanks you for this selfless act!

If you wanna look good, just do it. Eat well, and take the stairs. Quit justifying infantile "I see it I want it" behavior, lest I gain control of my gag reflex.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Latisimus Dorsi Jihad. The Saga Continues.

In the previous installment of the Jihad series of articles, we talked about what many men consider the only muscle on the front of the body. In this edition, we'll be talking about its counterpart in the posterior region. If you're somewhat familiar with the muscles groups of the body, and you guessed the traps, not only are you wrong, you're also bad at reading the title of the article. If you did manage to  read the title, and also know where your lats are, nice work! But no bonus points.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, this is the way your lats look if you like anatomy and science:




And this is what they look like if you like steroids:







Since becoming Dorian Yates (picture on right) is out of the question and undesirable for most people, we wont spend any time discussing the different types of steroid cycles and how to manipulate your hormones, but I will tell you how to work your lats effectively and safely, so that you can get develop a lean, muscular physique that is flattering to you figure, and makes you look like you have lifted weights before.

One of the major problems plaguing American culture in general, and gym culture in particular is ILS. Imaginary Lat Syndrome. You see it all the time, when homeboy and his crew roll into your friendly neighborhood LA Fitness, rocking white under armor shirts or tank tops that are just a bit too small, and giving the stink eye to anyone who dares disturb their 50 cent fueled reverie with a glance or a nod.
The one major way to if this epidemic would be to get rid of all of the bench presses in the gyms, but to do so would be to incite a riot of pent up testosterone that had previously been unleashed on Mondays (chest day), Wednesdays (pecs and abs) and Fridays (Chest and Bi's), so this option is out of the question.

However, I propose that there is another way out. ILS, meet your match.

Start with a set of straight arm pulldowns or pullovers. The SAP's are one of the exercise I see done incorrectly most of the time at the gym,  because most people only do half of the exercise.
Pullovers are easier to do correctly, and can be done with either a machine, or an adjustable cable. A dumbbell does not work the full range of motion. If you can't find a machine, grab an adjustable cable, put a a bench in front of it, (use a rope, or a bar), and keeping your arms straight, pull from all the way above your head to your belt line, making an arc.

End position: (no need to look behind you)
Remember, keep your arms straight the whole time.

Bonus, this exercise works your low chest and triceps also!


When you're finished with that, head over to the pullup bar, assisted pullup machine, or lat pulldown. If you can do over 20 pullups in a single set, you should be fine with the bar, if not, switch between the bar and the assisted machine, or just use the machine. If that's too much for you, you probably shouldn't be doing this program. If you're hard headed though, grab the lat pulldown machine. Make sure you take a wide grip to start, you can gradually move it in as it gets harder.  Your last set should be done in a neutral position, (palms facing each other.)

Here's where it gets tricky. Your back is stubborn, much like Lindsey Lohan's coke habit. It wont grow unless you force it. It generally takes a high number of reps per set, and a real squeeze at the end of the rep to force some growth. So these pullups will be done with a 4-0-1 rep tempo. That means a 4 second negative (going down), no pause at the bottom, then 1 second up (or as fast as possible.)
Good luck.

Next exercise is a barbell row. Steal a barbell from a bench, plant one side in a corner, and grab the narrow grip handle, stack some 25's on the end (for range of motion) and dye your hair a late 90's blonde color. Now you're ready to start.

I hope that I don't have to tell you too keep your chest up and shoulders back during ALL of these exercises. I heard someone say that the shoulders are poison to your ears. Keep them as far away as possible. Also, abs tight, knees not locked out. etc etc.

Lastly, go over to a standard cable row machine. Attach the wide handles and row as many times as you can at a weight that feels heavy. Shoot for over 35 reps with good form and a squeeze at the end. Don't be a sissy and leave early. Run over to the pullup bar as soon as you're done, grab on and hang. Don't let go. Go for as long as you can from the bottom position. This might destroy your hands and forearms, but that's OK. Long before recliners, most socialization was done hanging from tree branches, so you're just getting back to your roots.

In case you were concerned that I wasn't actually going to lay it out for you, here it is. Lat explosion:

Pullovers: 3 sets 50 reps.

Pullups: 401 tempo 4 sets of 8-10

Barbell rows: 4 sets of 12

Wide Cable rows: 1 set Max reps

Dead hang: 30 sec- 1 min

This workout shouldn't last you any longer that 4 games of Modern Warfare, or around 45 minutes. Stretch out and go home.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Straight Off the Eastern Bloc.


Boom. This just in, from Russia with love. A great way to work out your legs, while simultaneously working on your Soviet culture. Introducing: The Bulgarian Split Squat. This is an exercise that can, and will fight you.  If you've ever had any illusions of lower body grandeur, the BSS will soon fix your mind and your body. But mostly your mind, because that's where you're broken.

Just from experience, I can tell you that it is my personal belief that this exercise has taken the form of a dragon and has not only stolen things out of my desk drawer while I wasn't home, but also chopped down a tree in my backyard, burned the ground in the shape of hammer and sickle, and then started a cult.

Here's how to do it, and a few variations of it.
 
Stand about 3 feet in front of a bench, a chair, a table, a couch, or something sturdy that is about knee level or a little higher. Start on one food, and find your balance. With the other foot, go ahead and push it back, and let it rest on the top of the item behind you. I prefer doing it with the top of my foot on the top of the object, but you can do it on your toes if you have great dorsiflexion mobility. (you can pull your foot towards your knee pretty well) Test it out, it varies based on your biomechanics.



From there, go ahead and squat down with the front leg, making sure to drive the back knee back and down, and let it bend. Don't let the front knee go over the front toe. This is bad.

Notice how in the picture, he forms a right angle with his front knee and hip.  That's good form.  Do it like that.

It's not complicated, give it a few tries on each leg. One leg will be weaker than the other. Start with that leg every time. Also, if you've never done this before, it would be prudent to start of with just your body weight. Any more, and you're in danger of feeling like someone took a mallet to your glutes while you were sleeping. But hey, if you're in a dangerous mood, go for it.

A couple notes on what this exercise is:
A great way to work your inner and outer thigh (ladies?)
A great way to work your balance
Simple
A great way to work your abs and obliques
A great way to work you glutes (read: A great way to feel like you started a chemical fire on your backside)
A great way to improve posture/burn calories/look rad at the gym/etc.

A couple notes on what this exercise is not:
A great way to have a light workout
Bench press
Elliptical machine
North American
A great way to pick up chicks (kinda hard to impress anyone with your lungs on the outside of your body)
Fun / mentally easy / hella tight

"But Nate!" you say. "I can squat my bodyweight, I'm no stranger to the gym, and I just consumed a Tyler Ells sized portion of NoExplode and F16 fuel, and my heart is going to explode if I only do bodyweight exercises!"

Great work Skippy, glad to hear it. Try one of these variations.

1) Weighted. Get a weight vest, grab some dumbbells, a kettlebell, your little sister, whatever you have available. Hold it in one hand, both hands, on your back, in front of you, etc. The possibilities are endless.
2) Increase range of motion. Stand on a box or a pile of weights. Feel that stretch in your hams, glutes and groin. Yep. That's fun.
3) Oh, you're the balance master? Probably not. Grab a set of TRX straps and put your back foot in that. Or put your back foot on a Swiss ball. Or close your eyes. n00b.
4) Got all this down? Too easy? Whatever Sven. Time to add some more Slavic influence. Introduce some German Volume Training, and see how you feel tomorrow. I'll bring you a wheelchair. 10 sets of 10 reps.  I didn't say it was smart, just German.
5) Is your cardio game locked down? Can you run for hours on end like a mystical gazelle? Pfft. Do a set, rest for a minute, do another set. Oh, did I say rest? I meant hold a push up position plank.
Suck it up and get it done. Talk to you later.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Your Cardio Routine is Laughable.

There was once a day in my life when I was not happy and did not have bountiful amounts of energy. This has only happened one time. Normally I not only have enough energy for myself, I have enough to power a medium sized blow dryer for up to 7 hours. On this particular day though, I was sitting at Big Box Gym Inc. (tm), minding my own business, wallowing in despair, much like a middle aged housewife who has just learned that Oprah's book club was now reading the ''Left Behind'' series.

Yea, it was a rough day.

When out of the corner of my eye, I saw something that caught my attention and piqued my interest. I turned around, and too my great delight I was greeted with a sight that caused me to break first into a chuckle, and then into a full on belly laugh causing people to stare, glass to break, and children to cry first, then rapidly mature into responsible young adults.

What I saw was a a person that I had previously offered assistance in helping to lose weight that had turned me down and insisted that they would be able to do it on their own. But that's not why I was laughing. This person was standing on the elliptical machine, where they had spent their last 45 minutes, talking on the phone at a normal rate of speech, and not sweating.

THIS was how they planned to get their summer beach body? THIS was going to get them off their high cholesterol medication? THIS was going to keep them from being obese?

I laughed and laughed, and when I was through, I went to the bathroom and threw up.

Unfortunately most people look at cardio this way. They go to the gym, find the first piece of open equipment, and spend 30 minutes there. No plan, no goal, just 30 minutes of moving their legs.

That being said, there are ways of utilizing machines effectively, but why bother? There are roughly 1 billion other things you could be doing to burn calories and get the body you want, that are simpler and way more productive.

You'll never going to get toned abs, back hips, or thighs walking on a treadmill. The calories burned walking at 3.0 miles per hour for an hour, are so minimal, that you could burn approximately the same amount by quilting for roughly an hour and 15 minutes. Is that appealing to you? Going to the gym so that you can burn as much fat as your grandmother does when she goes to play bingo and mahjong with the girls?

If you're not making an attempt to create new muscle mass to replace your fat, you're not being effective with your time. Get off the recumbent bike and do some push ups and squats. I'll even include a small cardio circuit at the end of this article for you to follow. You're welcome. Bottom line, get off the machine, and do some actual work. If you're not working to the point where you're sweating, you're not working hard enough.  "But Nate!" you say, "I am sweating on the elliptical machine!" Fine. Do what you enjoy, but at least make your time more valuable by doing intervals and hills.

A1) body weight squats
A2) lunges
A3) pushups
A4) Plank

B1) Squat Jumps
B2) Side Lunges
B3) Hands to elbows
B4) Back bridge on hands

Do each for 30 seconds, do both A and B 2 times each, Rest 2 minutes between each set. Should take exactly 14 minutes to finish all of it. If you can do the whole thing, email me, I'll give you a prize.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

30 Minutes of Passion.

Not only is this the title to my racy new adult novella, it has a lot of practical applications in the gym as well.

How long do you work out for? If you answered; "an hour", "two hours", "15 minutes", "not at all", or "ice cream!" you're probably doing it wrong. Even if you do work out for 30-45 minutes, you're still probably doing it wrong. But guess what? Buy my DVD and in addition to receiving an hour long movie of me standing and berating you, you also get the right answer to my question and a free Tai-Bo workout VHS that I bought at a garage sale!

THAT'S AWESOME.

According to the old way of thinking, (read: bad way of thinking) each workout should take about an hour and a half to do all your warm ups, workout, cool down, and chat up the girls on the treadmill. But now, using advanced technology you can cram the same amount of work into around 40 minutes, and that's if you include a shower at the end!
That's a lie, there have not been any scientifically proven ways to hit on the treadmill bunnies more efficiently.

However, you can maximize your time at the gym and do the same amount of work, by following a few simple rules. I love rules.

1)Smart programing.
What this doesn't mean is going to the gym with a "well, maybe I'll do some bicycle today, then maybe some cables, then probably watch that Tai-bo VHS that I have at home..." attitude. That's stupid and not productive. If you or anyone you know is going to the gym without at least a rough plan, you lose.

Also, don't plan your workout poorly. If you don't know how to workout effectively, go see a professional (me), or figure out a workout that comes from a reputable source that you can do without looking like an idiot, injuring yourself, or looking like an idiot while injuring yourself. Very important. For example, a bad workout idea would be starting with curls, working in some overhead press, then ending with leg extensions. Just because you read it that it was Arnold's primary workout in "muscle and fitness" mag, doesn't mean it's good. I don't want to explain why not right now, but I might later. (oooooooh, cliffhanger!)

Another reason smart programming is important, is because you can do a lot more work in a shorter period of time if you program correctly. If you're going to do 5 sets of bench press anyways before moving into your sweet 2-0-4 tempo lat pull downs, you might as well condense them together and do double the work in the same time period. Since they're working opposing muscle groups, performance wont suffer at a muscular level. You'll burn more calories, and everything will think you're ultra smart. And for the guy that's doing the heavy squats and "couldn't possibly do anything else in between", do something low intensity like grip work or pre-hab work for your shoulders, because you're probably going to end up hurting them anyways. Band pull-aparts, wrist rollers, or just squeezing a tennis ball will help you in the long run.

Is that too hard? Then quit jawing with the guy next to you about how you "benched way more than this last week" and stretch your hip flexors.

Supersets and circuits are your new best friend.

2)Higher intensity!
This is where the passion comes in. You probably don't need as much rest as you think you do. Let's say you're doing overhead press with the pink dumbbells. You're supposed to do 3 sets of 10 reps. So you do 10, put them down, grab a drink, do 10, put them down, admire your leggings, do 10 more. Congratulations, you just wasted a bunch of my time, because I want to use those dumbbells and you're hogging them. Besides, everyone knows they look way better with my leopard print toms than your stupid Nike's

Instead of doing the 3x10 that's perscribed, why don't you just try to get to 30 total? Go until you're a rep or two shy of failure, and rest then. For a lot of women with the dumbbells, you'd be surprised at how many you can do. 20 or 30 is not uncommon. If this is the case, up the weight. You deserve it.

3) Better Exercise Selection
This goes hand in hand with smart programming. But pick 'bang for your buck' exercises. trade your calf raises for leg press, and rear deltoid flies for heavy rows. Whether this is on a machine or free weight, it's always going to be better to do exercises that use more than one joint. These are called compound movements and they should be the bread and butter of every workout you embark on. I don't care if you're 19 and athletic or 89 and decrepit. If you are in perfect health, or just had your back amputated. This is always the case.

OK. Ready for a sweet freebie?
Full body workout:

Warm-up with
10 burpees
20 push ups
50 jumping jacks

A1) Lat Pull down x 15
A2) Reverse Lunge (body weight) x 15 each leg
A3) leg swings x25 each leg

B1) Leg Press x 10-15
B2) pushups x 15
B3) Stretch hamstrings 30 sec each side

C1) Dumbbell Swings x 10
C2) Wall sit x 30 seconds
C3 Overhead push press x 8-12

Do each circuit between 1 and 3 times, depending on how awesome you are.

....And just say no to pink dumbells.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Throw Your Chairs Away.

Listen up, everyone knows that I'm full of good advice. In fact, I've even heard that I'm full of the best advice. No holds-barred, raw, relentless wisdom that attacks superstitions and wives tales like a pack of ravenous wolves attack a handicapped moose.
Oh, you believe that you're over-trained and have adrenal fatigue? Wrong. Think that carbs are bad? Wrong again. See? Busting up your paradigms is easy, and fun.

That's right, your brain is probably due for another beat down.

Sitting. You probably like it. Whether you're sitting at home, sitting at work, sitting at lunch, or sitting in bed eating flamin' hot cheetos, chances are that you sit a lot. The average Brit spends 14 hours and 39 minutes per day sitting. This is due to a shift in the average work environment, and also due to the fact that widespread depression has been slowly suffocating England ever since they got their asses kicked in the Revolutionary War (no source available).

Adding to that the fact that people sleep an average of 7 hours and 41 minutes per night, that adds up to a grand total of 22 hours and 20 minutes in a sedentary state. This leaves you with another hour and a half of day to spend using the bathroom, and looking in the freezer for ice cream.

Right now, I have a different agenda, so I won't even bother talking about people's horrible lack of activity. That's a topic for another time, and something that I'll only be able to write about after 2 redbulls.

So, back to the sitting issue. Let's say you sit only 12 hours per day, between work and home. Not including weekends, if you stood for the same amount of time, in 1 month, you would burn 14,400 calories, or about 4 extra pounds. this gives you 3600 extra calories of wiggle room. Time you could not be spending on the ellipticle, or burger splurging at '5 guys' once a week. That's big.

In addition to the calories you're not burning, you're also permanently handicapping yourself because sitting for that long and keeping your hamstrings and glutes in a locked position can cause what's called "gluteal amnesia" which is when you're biggest muscles in your body essentially turn off, and forget how they work. So, not only are you not burning calories, you're reducing your muscle's ability to burn calories in the few minutes you do spend standing or walking during the day.

On top of all that business, when you turn your glutes off, you can force your pelvis to anterior-ly rotate (rotate the top forward, making you look much like a new barbie figurine from the side)

ASIDE: Not only does barbie indoctrinate young girls into thinking that they need to have a impossible figure for men to love them, she's also now trying to make girls think that they need to have bad posture, weak glute medius and piriformis, and a rotated pelvis. This is not OK! I'm going to start selling bracelets to raise awareness...

Since you most likely don't have the waist that barbie has, an pelvis that is rotated forward will make your belly stick out, making you look like you have a bigger midsection than you actually do. Not good.

So, what's a person to do?

Stand up more, take more breaks, walk around your building, go get coffee with Ted from accounting, flirt with that girl from the front desk, etc. Find any and all excuses to be standing as much as you possible can. Men's Health says: Make fitness a lifestyle, not just a part of your day that you do when you're not tired from work.

Get a swiss ball and sit on it, it's not the fix, but it's a step in the right direction. Bottom line is, get up out of your seat. Pick your chair up and carry it downstairs. Pick it up. Toss it in your industrial grade trash compactor. Rejoice

Monday, March 28, 2011

Craft a Glorious Behind.

When I talk to a lot of women, and ask them about what they would specifically like to change about their bodies, most of the time it revolves around three problem areas; butts, guts, and legs. Here's the bad news about that. Fat stores in genetically predetermined places. If you're super unhappy with your pick in the genetic lottery, blame your parents. I mean, they take the blame for everything else in life, from the bad attitude and mohawk you were rocking in 9th grade, to your career as a copy paper salesman and your 1992 Ford Taurus. Just blame it all on mom and dad, and move on. Easy enough. The other piece of bad news for the ladies is that it's not only genetics that play into it. A big part is also gender determined. So ladies, that problem will never go away, your fat will always go right back to those hips and thighs. Sad face!

Ready for some good news! Smiley face! You're lucky because the hips and thighs have some of the largest and most powerful muscles in the body. They're your prime movers, and some of the stars include your gluteus maximus, your semimembranosus (hamstrings), and quadriceps femoris.

And even though by and large spot reduction is not possible, there are some ways of pulling fat from specific areas. Yes, this is hearsay in many fitness communities and secret health blog societies, but I'm here to educate you dear reader, even though I may burn on the same fires that consumed the shake weight and the thigh master. One of the main reasons that stubborn fat sticks around in certain areas is because of A) twinkies and B) lack of blood flow to the area.

Increase blood flow to the area, and you'll increase the rate of fat reduction from that spot.

That's all well and good, but how is it done? Well, if you're really interested in reading a lot about it, Dr. Lonnie Lowry has a great article about it here. If you want the short version and dislike the thought of being redirected to a site that features pictures of shirtless heavily muscled men lifting cars and phrases like myo-facial release, read on.

There are two keys to increasing blood flow. The first is warming the area. This can be done through bikram yoga, running/leg exercises, or something tight like compression shorts. It doesn't need to be tight to the point of cutting off circulation, and god forbid that it's as tight as Chazz (not for the easily offended or people who are not tight).

The second key to increasing blood flow is just working the muscle, causing vaso-dialation within the area you're working and causing your body to send blood and nutrients there to heal the muscles that you're ruthlessly tearing apart with your wicked wall sits and grueling goblet squats.

Boom, so that's it. Easy. An afterthought: If you continue to eat like garbage, or eat garbage itself, you will not lose fat. You will gain it. Then you will be mad at me for lying to you, when in actuality, I did not lie to you. I'm on your team here. So much so that I'm going to include a sweet workout for you to try at home today to build a beautiful bottom on your own. That's right! Plus it's only 2 easy payments of 19.95! Pay me later, it's ok.

Lunges.
Middle Position
Start/End Position

These are a great bang for your buck exercise. Whether you step out, or step back,or do them in place, DO THEM. Start with 10 if it's your first time. Make sure that you form a 90 degree angle with your front knee, and with your back knee. If you're getting any knee pain, stop what you're doing, go find a mirror and reevaluate your position. Or call me, I have magic hands, and not the magic hands that cost a quarter at seedy motels.

1-leg Hip Bridge
Lay on your back on a mat, bring your feet up and plant them near your butt, then extend your right leg out, so that it's at the same angle as your left thigh. Then, squeezing your butt and abs, lift your hips off the ground so that you're on your shoulders and right foot. Grunt and repeat.

The challenge for you today, is do 100 lunges on both of your legs, then 100 hip bridges on both legs. Do them all at once, in two sessions, 10 at a time as soon as your boss isn't looking, whatever. Just get them done. If you already worked out or have yet to do so, great! Consider it bonus points. Or make up work, depending on what you did this weekend. My lovely fiance has a rule with her students. The punishment for not doing the work, is doing the work.

Get it done.