Why You're Always Hurting.

I woke up this morning at 4am with but a singular thought in my mind: "I need to write a new article". So I did.

Your posture is horrible.
I am talking to every man, woman, and child that spends time behind a desk, watching TV, traveling on airplanes, taking taxis, pushing shopping carts, and 'running'. You let you shoulders slump forward and you spine round, you let your feet turn out when you walk, and you never stretch your hips. Your muscles are lethargic and have stopped working for you. Probably becuase they don't respect you anymore.
Gone are the days when you could go out for a 30 yard pass without being winded or having some mysterious low back pain, and unless you stop what you're doing right now and fix yourself, you'll never get them back.

The thing I want to focus on right now is the hip flexor complex. Why yours sucks, and what you need to do to make it better.
First of all, a quiz.

1) Does your low back hurt?
Y N
2) Do you ever feel your hips 'pop' or crack?
Y N
3)Is running extremely difficult for you?
Y N
4) Do your knees ever bother you when you're going up or down stairs?
Y N

If you answered yes to 2 or more of these, I can almost guarantee that there is a muscular problem with your hip flexors. This is the muscle that you use to bring your knee to your chest. Since I know you're sitting right now, grab the highest point on one of your thighs with your palm facing down, your fingers on the outside of your leg, and your thumb on the inside. Now lift your leg off the floor. That's the group of muscles we're talking about.

One of the many muscles responsible for the movement you just did is called the iliopsoas, but since you don't care what it's called, and just want to feel and move better, you can call it Tom if you like. I don't care.
Tom is kinda neat, because he attaches to the front of your pelvis, (i.e. the place you just felt) and goes from the front of your body to the back, and attaches to the first five spine joints of your spine. Here's how that looks.

So, it's unique placement in your body has two major effects. First of all, when it gets tight it pulls on your low back, which is why roughly 80% of people in the US at some point complain of low back pain. Ta Da! If your muscles worked, you would never need surgery!

Secondly, by being seated all the time, and when you are walking, not carrying yourself with good posture, you let that muscle go for a long time without lengthening.  If Tom was a moderately handsome guy that had been hanging out with you for a while, taking you to movies, and treating you like a lady, this is akin to telling him that you don't want to ruin your 'friendship', and that's why you wont date him. So, Tom extracts his revenge on you by making everything hurt.

Ready for the good part?
Find a foam roller ($25), a lacrosse ball/baseball ($5-12), or a pipe (Included with every purchase of Clue...).

Lay on your stomach, find those muscles that you found earlier, and put the instrument of torment underneath them, essentially so it's pressing on those muscles. Now roll around on that muscle until you find a spot that really hurts. Now stay there for a while. 20 seconds on each painful spot. You should roll from the top of your hip bone to 3/4ths of the way down your thigh. Don't forget to go side to side either. You never know how much fun you're missing out on if you don't roll correctly.

Just a thought... If you're doing the aforementioned activity, and it does not feel like Voldemort himself is destroying the inter workings of your hips and stomach with his wand of pain, you're not doing it right.

Done with that? Good.

Now, get up and stretch. Stand between two tables, chairs, large dogs or children, (something that you can use to hold yourself up.) and spread your legs apart, front to back. Your front leg should be on the heel, your back leg on the toe. Continue to go deeper until you feel a good stretch. Now hold for 30 seconds.

 Switch legs.
Do it again
And again.

Now that you've stretched both sides 3 times, it's time for a little activation, because not only are you tight, you're also weak. Fix it.

Stand up, put your foot on a chair or stool so that your thigh is almost parallel with the ground. If you look anything like a triumphant action hero, you're doing it right. (Hands on hips for added emphasis) Now, pick your foot up off the chair, hold it for 3 seconds in the air, and put it back down. The range of motion for this movement should be between 2 and 5 inches. It's very small. Do that 20 times each leg. Then do it again.

I've had clients feel almost 100% better after doing this for only a week. But just like anything else, it doesn't work if you don't do it. Also, good news. If you're in the Scottsdale area, and you're have some pain like this that doesn't subside after a week of stretching, or you're just afraid to do it yourself, I'm currently accepting new clients.

Be good.

More Science

Not that it's any of your business, but I'm getting married this weekend, so I most likely wont update this blog for the next few weeks. It's fine, trust me, I deserve a break. So, stick around, don't be sad I'm gone, then I'm gonna come back and blast your face off with more.
Special thanks to @pryl for this sweet-ass info graphic.



Via: Medical Billing And Coding

Worst Inventions Ever. Part I

In this edition of "Worst Inventions Ever", I'll be changing your paradigm about something that you use every day, all day, even though you're ruining your body forever because this particular invention actually despises you and your fitness goals.

This abomination of abdominal abscess, this pioneer of poor posture, this sultan of sensational slouching is called a 'chair' by many people in the world, but would be more correctly referred too as a 'corpus morsus' which is Latin for 'hunchback machine'. (no source)

Note: You shouldn't sit like this guy, mostly because you're not a criminal.

The human body was built to stand, walk, run, and stay active. By relegating ourselves to chairs for the majority of a workday, we essentially deactivate the following muscles:
Glutes
Hamstrings
Quads
Spinal Erectors
Rectus Abdominus
Internal and External Obliques
Scalenes
Low Pectorals
Low Traps
Rhomboids.

Pretty much every muscle in the elusive core that we all chase at our respective temples of fitness by doing single leg plyometric kettlebell squat thrusts on a bosu ball. Every muscle from your armpits to your knees is deactivated, or turned off while you sit.

Time for a quiz!

Do you want a six pack or nice abs?
A) No
B)Yes

Do you sit during the day?
A) Yes
B) No

If you answered A to either of these questions, you lose.

However, for those of us who have office jobs and can hardly convert to a standing desk. (a fantastic idea if you have the means) there is hope.  (not much though).

By practicing correct posture and abdominal bracing while you sit, you can alleviate some of the symptoms associated with chronic sitting.  Figure out how to stand correctly first, with your spine in a neutral position by standing up, and trying to flex all of the aforementioned muscles at the same time. Keep your back tight, chest up, butt and quads tight, and push your stomach out to engage your abs much like you were pushing out against a belt. You don't have to be straining, but there should be a good deal of tension in all your muscles.

A good litmus test for if you're doing this right is if you were to stand up in the middle of the office and do it, people would be looking at your strange, and someone would hopefully ask you if you were mad about something.

Now continue to hold that position as you sit back down. You chest should be up, shoulders down, and abs tight with your back not touching the back of your chair.

If you catch yourself slouching, snap yourself with a rubber band, because you have no right to do that. What, are you tired from your long day sitting? Negative. Stop being posture lazy and fix yourself.

We've all seen the elderly (and young) people with rounded upper backs. That's called thoracic kyphosis, and it's caused by tight chest, and a weak upper back from sitting poorly, often times in front of a desk. If you want a built in system to make sure that you don't hunch during the day, stand up straight with perfect neutral posture, and have someone put a strip of duct tape across your back, a little lower than each shoulder. You'll definitely remember to sit upright, especially if you're hairy.

Want a built in way to keep yourself from having a hunchback and shoulder problems for the rest of your life? Grab a band that's not too heavy, and with straight arms and, you guessed it, perfect neutral posture, pull the band apart, taking care to squeeze your shoulder blades together and hold it for a second.  Do this 100 times per day, and you'll have a sexy back, and even sexier posture.

For more suggestions on how to improve yourself in this arena, read this article, written by my best friend.



 If you find that you have problems with posture, or upper back mobility,  post to the comments, and I can help you improve that and improve your life.

Choose Pain

OK, here's the deal. And this time it's the real deal, not that fake deal I told you about a while ago. You're doing everything wrong. And I do everything right. Except writing cursive and throwing lawn darts. I can't write straight because I always have so much caffeine in my system that my appendages shake uncontrollably.

Lucky for you, I'm benevolent and merciful and I have a sweet website you can read over and over again. If you subscribe, I'll hook you up with my introductory package, which includes a stick of deodorant that I was given as a gift, vegetables, and slew of derogatory/motivational phrases which I wrote on on a pack of post-it notes that I stole from my last job. Before any of you get all high and mighty about theft in the workplace, I'll have you know that they had been stealing bits and pieces of my soul since day one, and that subtly taking office supplies was a far cry from the worst thing I did while I was there.

There were a few positive things about working at this wretched tortuous environment though. I  developed a keener than normal sense of hearing, and that other sense that some people have that allows them to be aware of someone staring at them from across the room. This was not in the Bear Grylls sense of being aware, but in the sense that I had just edited my bosses face onto a picture of dinosaur in MS paint, and needed to be aware of any prying eyes. I also learned the art of forging official documents (yea right CPR card), and printing my resume out on the main printer.

But I digress.

I learned a very important lesson last week when I got a new tattoo on my neck. The lesson didn't come when I was finished with the portrait of a centaur wielding Thor's hammer, but rather a few days later, when I had forgotten about  the excruciating pain that I had been put through for 4 hours, and started contemplating finishing the tattoo on my back of the ghost pirate ship attacking an army of dragons in tanks.

Note: Not this kind of centaur.

Had I not learned my lesson? What was it about tiny needles stabbing my skin over and over again that I was able to forget so easily?


That's because the human brain has an inability to remember the sensation of pain. Whether it's slamming your finger in the car door, your 'fight' club' party, or a hangover, we as humans forget very easily what feeling bad feels like.


This is just a evolutionary safeguard so that the human race does not die out. I am not a doctor, and don't know anything really, but I'm not sure how many women would opt for labor a second time if they could bring up an acute memory of the sensation of giving birth.


What does this mean for you? First of all, it means that tattoo shops and suppliers aren't going anywhere, so you might as well buy stock in Unimax. Secondly, what it means is that you should not be afraid to challenge yourself to do things that might cause you pain. Obviously, I'm not talking about the pain of being run over by a car. Leave that to guys  from Jackass, whom I assume have no memory whatsoever.



But during your workouts, and in your life, we often get to a point where whatever were doing at the time is causing a deep burning pain that makes us very, very uncomfortable. If we realize that this pain is in our heads, and we wont even be able to recall it in 20 minutes, we can push past our plateaus and barriers and accomplish the goals we set for ourselves.

Same goes for eating. We don't recall the very natural sensation of being hungry, yet we as Americans have a deep fear of going 4 hours without eating. You don't need to be full all the time. Skip the cake next time and embrace the pain of a slight craving. One week later, I promise you wont regret it.

If we never press past our comfort zone, we'll never progress in the things we want to. Whether you're looking to lose weight, gain muscle, get fit, or just stay healthy, there will always be a point where you've "had enough" and want to stop, take it back a notch, call it a day, whatever. At this point, it's very important to draw upon the power of the centaur tattoo, and smash the barriers that hold you back with the hammer of Thor.

 

Note: That last sentence was almost as corny as this actual movie. My deepest apologies go out to anyone who actually saw Thor, and was offended by this post.

Goat's Milk vs Regular Milk. An Objective Analysis.

I recently had the pleasure of seeing goat milk on sale at my friendly neighborhood market place, and I took advantage of this occasion to give you dear readers a taste (so to speak) or the differences between regular poor people milk, and the highly sought after goat milk.

Calories
Because goat milk has around 10 g of fat vs regular milk's 8 or 9, and due to the fact that it's way easier to find low fat cow milk, at 140 cal per 8 oz, goat's milk loses this one. Or wins, if you are anything like me, and enjoy drinking tons of calories.

Protein
Goats and Cows have different types of curd in their milk, which yields different kinds of proteins. Goat milk  (hear after will be referred to as GM) has a quicker digested proteins than RM (hats off to you if you figured this one out on your own). So GM wins this one. Or loses, depending on if you want a slow digesting casein protein.
 
Lactose
GM has often been touted as being magic milk because of it's ability to be digested by those who are lactose intolerant. So it wins this one. RM 4.7% lactose. GM 4.1% lactose. Yep, you heard it here first.

Vitamins and Minerals
GM has 13% more calcium, 25% more B-6, 47% more A, 134% more potassium, 300% more niacin, and 400% more copper (?). So goat milk wins. Especially if you love copper.

Taste
Whole milk: 8
2% milk: 7
Skim milk: 5
Goat Milk: 9

Cost
Cow Milk 2.79 Gal.
Goat Milk 15.96 Gal.

Chance of Getting Mad Cow Disease From Milk

Goat Milk 0%
Cow Milk 100%

Make your own mind up here, but Goat milk, even though I did feel like I was drinking clouds from heaven while I consumed it, is far to expensive for me to enjoy on a regular basis. However, if you have a friend who's birthday is coming up, I'm sure they would love a cold pint of the frothy white delight. You're welcome for that idea.