What Doesn't Kill You Will Eventually Kill You.

Do you like eating chicken nuggets when you go out for some fast food? Do you buy breaded chicken products at the grocery store? Well, congratulations, you're helping to the keep the economy afloat.  Seriously, put that on your resume, see if anyone asks about it.


In addition to being a patron of large and small business (God bless you.), you're also consuming MSP. Mechanically seperated poultry. According to some sources, MSP is manufactured by grinding up the remainder of the chicken, flavoring it, and breading it. Jamie Oliver shows a simpliefied version of it below. (4 min long or so, skip through it if you're at work and can't get caught watching youtube videos)

This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "meat gloop". And unless you're a member of a Canadian based internet video sensation pseudo chef group, it's really not necessary to be associated with or consume meat gloop at all.

Happy Eating!

I Just Invented a New Exercise

I call it swimming. Try it at home in your water pool. It's done by jumping off your diving board, and using your arms and legs to propel yourself across the fluid-like mass that you keep in your backyard concrete ditch.
Take a timeout from your water guns and your underwater submarine tag games and try to burn some calories before you partake in your diece y siete de mayo binge party.
You probably think: "Ha! swimming? That's a stupid name for an exercise, plus I look like the guys from the movie 300, so I'm good at doing everything."

But you're wrong.

Try this, see how long it takes for your lungs to catch on fire.

Swim 4 laps in your pool. (If you don't have one, use your neighbor's.)
25 pushups
25 squats.

Repeat. See how many rounds you can complete in 30 minutes.

This is not only a good way to work on your cardio, but it's great for that base summer tan. (I'm just looking out for you from an aesthetic point of view.)
How do you stack up?

1-3 rounds. You need to try harder. [3rd grade school play
4-5 rounds. Average. [Bear Grylls sans both arms and 1 lung]
6-7 rounds. Getting there. [You're the Bon Jovi of fitness]
8-10 rounds. Passionate [Vin Diesel in every movie]
11-13 rounds. Panther-like. [Stereotypical eastern European]
14+ rounds. Legendary [Like the baby of Michael Phelps and an angel]

The Food Pyramid Hates You

This is the food pyramid. For those of you that grew up under a rock, this is the food guide that we've learned about since grade school showing us how to eat correctly. That's great! The only tiny little bad thing about it, is that it's not designed with your actual dietary needs in mind.
Let's take a step back to the dark roots of the food pyramid for a second though.

It was first invented by, you guessed it, the Egyptians in early 4000 BC. It was made to be a device to trick their slaves into eating terrible things. Roughly translated, this pyramid says, from bottom to top:
'Dirts'
'Orange peels'
'Flat bread'
'Crocodile'
'Meat water'
'Insects'


So, as you can see, this is clearly not a correct macro nutrient ratio, especially for growing slaves that have to build giant monuments. After Ramses II (Also known as Ramses the Wicked) died, his twin brother Ramses II (also known as Ramses the Nutritionist) took power, and the food pyramid was done away with.

At certain times during history, it has been seen to rear it's ugly head, specifically during the middle ages (See Black Plague), World War II, and Harry Potter.

After that, it had it's most recent appearance in Denmark, and then was picked up in 1992 by the USDA. The United States Department of Agriculture. This is problematic on two levels. First of all, I don't need the Government telling me how to eat. They can't be trusted. (Soylent Green anyone?) And secondly, it would seem as if the USDA has a vested interest in getting us to eat certain kinds of food based on what was best for the farmers and ranchers, and not on dietary constraints. That might not be true, but it's definitely a conspiracy theory you should be aware of.

On top of that, science has shown us that a diet high in cereal grains is not a healthy way to go. If you eat somewhere in the middle of your 6-11 servings of carbs, even  with a healthy choice like whole grain bread, you're still looking at 120 cal per slice x 8 servings or 960 calories of pure carbohydrates. This might be ok if you're an elite athlete training 4hours per day, but it certainly is not alright for your average cubicle hero.

Science has come a long way from where it has been. We're almost at the end of the line with Low or No Fat diets, and we've since switched to demonizing carbs and making them the ones responsible for obesity in America, diabetes, and Rebecca Black's rise to stardom.

However, this still has yet to be reflected in society's general eating habits. Aside from the diet books and fitness magazines, there is very little change in what the FDA and the government recommends you eat daily. What change there is, is reflected in portion size, and not necessarily makeup of meals. A step in the right direction, but it doesn't cut it.

Do we need government backing to eat well? No. If the government did tell us how to eat, would we do it? Probably not. Are we as a society lazy and weak willed? Yes. Am I undeniably handsome? Absolutely.

If you can, or if you care, try to stick to a diet that's 40-45% protein 35-50% carbs, and 10-20% fats. The 50% carbs doesn't mean ice cream and wonder bread though. Stick with low amounts of cereal grains, and high amounts of veggies and legumes,


And now for two enormous bonus tips for the people that have read this far:
1) I've heard it called the "green faces" diet. It's easy. You can/should eat it if it's green and grows, or if it had a face at some point. This relegates you to eating a lot of lean meats and protein, and vegetables. Perfect. Don't eat it if it once had a face, but now is green. That's bad.
Also, eggs count.

2) 100 grams to freedom. If you're trying to cut down on weight, just restrict your carbohydrate intake to 100 grams per day. The idea is that you, being smart and efficient, will only eat the good carbs, and cut out the bad, but offers the insurance policy that even if you do eat poorly, you can only eat a small amount of bad stuff.

Try #2, let me know how soon you can see your abs.

Pectoral Jihad.

Do you want big pecs? Do you want a lot of friends? Do you want to make men envious at the beach and women halfway accepting of your overused flying-catch football pick up technique? Try this workout and feel the burn.

This method is called pre-fatigue, and is a staple in the workouts of older lifters and strong bodybuilders everywhere. The idea is that by working your muscles with a small, or assistance exercise prior to doing a big lift you'll recruit more muscle fibers for the big lift, thereby targeting that muscle more completely, and hitting both fast twitch and slow twitch muscle fibers. I've seen this done a variety of ways, and most people will lie to you about it's effectiveness. Don't be fooled. This does work, and it's great if you have an injury, or want to keep from getting one.

It's not just a bodybuilding technique for mass monsters with something to prove. This can be utilized by women and children of all ages to change their physique and grow stronger without fear of injury, especially around sensitive areas like the low back, knees, and shoulders.

Another big plus is that it increases the mind muscle connection, so that way when you're working a muscle, you won't just be moving weight around for the fun of it, and you wont be lifting the pink dumbbells just for something to do. If you can successfully master this technique, you'll be more in tune with what your body is comfortable with, and what you need to do to alter your body composition.

"But Nate" you say, "This is all well and good, but I didn't come to this site for science, I came to launch a holy war on my body during chest day!" Well, here you go.

Start your chest routine with a good warmup to get the blood moving. Always necessary. Then, when your shoulders are properly warmed up, go find that chest fly machine. If you don't have one, go grab an entire cable crossover and make EVERYONE at the gym wait for you. Take about 5 minutes between sets and insist that no one else can work on your machine while you're sitting. This is very important.

Kidding. About 90 seconds max rest.

Take the cable, and set it to a weight that you can do quite a few with. Now do 50 reps. At the end, your chest should be burning, BUT YOU SHOULD BE NOWHERE NEAR EXHAUSTION. If you are, you're doing it wrong, go back to the elliptical.

Rest a minute or two, then do it again. And again. And again. 4 sets of 50 is plenty if you're a stud. If you're just getting back into working out, 2-3 sets of 25-40 should be enough. Again, listen to your body. If it's telling you that it's revolting against your authority, and if you do another rep, it's going to stop letting you have access to your arms for a week, it would be wise to take it down a notch. If on the other hand, you aren't even feeling it after the first set, raise that weight.

Here's the most important part. That mind muscle connection all your friends are always talking about. When you do a rep, make sure to squeeze that muscle and engage it as best you can. This should make it significantly harder, and you might be humbled if you see this technique through to the end of the workout. You also will be pleased with your results if you continue to use you mind to work out instead of brute force. Yes, I'm talking you ladies.

So, when you finish with your light, but hellish first exercise, your chest should be feeling like it's been hydraulically pumped full of blood and battery acid. Still, you should not be tired, This is just your warm up. There's a difference between having a 'burn' or a 'pump' and having muscular fatigue and breakdown. It might take you a couple tries to get it right, but if you do it wrong, I promise you'll know.

Now that you're all set up for success, go grab a bench press, because I know you love benching. If you're really awesome, go grab some dumbbells and lie down on a bench and use those instead
4 sets of 8-12 should be plenty. Go light, you're in for a treat with how your chest feels. It might be kind of like this...

So, here it is again.
4 sets of 50 on light chest flies (high, low, cable, machine, etc. Mix it up)
4 sets of 12 on dumbbell Bench press.

That should be enough, but if you're really feeling masochistic and like you've got some more in you, find the closest piece of floor and try to knock out 100 pushups. If it takes you longer than 4 minutes, pick yourself up and either go home, or work your lower body. You've had enough.

Straight Off the Eastern Bloc.

Boom. This just in, from Russia with love. A great way to work out your legs, while simultaneously working on your Soviet culture. Introducing: The Bulgarian Split Squat. This is an exercise that can, and will fight you.  If you've ever had any illusions of lower body grandeur, the BSS will soon fix your mind and your body. But mostly your mind, because that's where you're broken.

Just from experience, I can tell you that it is my personal belief that this exercise has taken the form of a dragon and has not only stolen things out of my desk drawer while I wasn't home, but also chopped down a tree in my backyard, burned the ground in the shape of hammer and sickle, and then started a cult.

Here's how to do it, and a few variations of it.
 
Stand about 3 feet in front of a bench, a chair, a table, a couch, or something sturdy that is about knee level or a little higher. Start on one food, and find your balance. With the other foot, go ahead and push it back, and let it rest on the top of the item behind you. I prefer doing it with the top of my foot on the top of the object, but you can do it on your toes if you have great dorsiflexion mobility. (you can pull your foot towards your knee pretty well) Test it out, it varies based on your biomechanics.

From there, go ahead and squat down with the front leg, making sure to drive the back knee back and down, and let it bend. Don't let the front knee go over the front toe. This is bad.

Notice how in the picture, he forms a right angle with his front knee and hip.  That's good form.  Do it like that.

It's not complicated, give it a few tries on each leg. One leg will be weaker than the other. Start with that leg every time. Also, if you've never done this before, it would be prudent to start of with just your body weight. Any more, and you're in danger of feeling like someone took a mallet to your glutes while you were sleeping. But hey, if you're in a dangerous mood, go for it.

A couple notes on what this exercise is:
A great way to work your inner and outer thigh (ladies?)
A great way to work your balance
Simple
A great way to work your abs and obliques
A great way to work you glutes (read: A great way to feel like you started a chemical fire on your backside)
A great way to improve posture/burn calories/look rad at the gym/etc.

A couple notes on what this exercise is not:
A great way to have a light workout
Bench press
Elliptical machine
North American
A great way to pick up chicks (kinda hard to impress anyone with your lungs on the outside of your body)
Fun / mentally easy / hella tight

"But Nate!" you say. "I can squat my bodyweight, I'm no stranger to the gym, and I just consumed a Tyler Ells sized portion of NoExplode and F16 fuel, and my heart is going to explode if I only do bodyweight exercises!"

Great work Skippy, glad to hear it. Try one of these variations.

1) Weighted. Get a weight vest, grab some dumbbells, a kettlebell, your little sister, whatever you have available. Hold it in one hand, both hands, on your back, in front of you, etc. The possibilities are endless.
2) Increase range of motion. Stand on a box or a pile of weights. Feel that stretch in your hams, glutes and groin. Yep. That's fun.
3) Oh, you're the balance master? Probably not. Grab a set of TRX straps and put your back foot in that. Or put your back foot on a Swiss ball. Or close your eyes. n00b.
4) Got all this down? Too easy? Whatever Sven. Time to add some more Slavic influence. Introduce some German Volume Training, and see how you feel tomorrow. I'll bring you a wheelchair. 10 sets of 10 reps.  I didn't say it was smart, just German.
5) Is your cardio game locked down? Can you run for hours on end like a mystical gazelle? Pfft. Do a set, rest for a minute, do another set. Oh, did I say rest? I meant hold a push up position plank.

 

Suck it up and get it done. Talk to you later.