Toe Shoes Vs. The Mountain

If you live in the greater Phoenix metro area, you know what Camelback mountain is. If you're not from the area, or you don't pay attention to local topography, it kind of looks like this:

 

Less snow on top, and really no grass leading up to it, but just about the same. If Paradise Valley had an evil overlord, he would most assuredly live in a fortress in camelback mountain. There's no doubt in my mind. It's recently become a fascination of my to wake up super early in the morning, drive to the base of camelback, and climb up it. And since I apparently can't think clearly, I've been wearing my Vibram 5-fingers going up. Mine look like this:

They've got a super awesome rubber sole, and mesh on top to keep stuff out. At first they're weird to wear. Separating your toes like that is not something we're used to doing, so it can be kind of uncomfortable, or at least a new sensation. It also takes about 2 weeks to break them in. If you think you're super hardcore, can handle anything and don't need to read directions and decide that breaking them is only going to take you 1 day, you can end up with a minor stress fracture in your foot.
Here's how!
Step One) Order Virbams
Step Two) Receive Vibrams in the same manor that a child would receive candy
Step Three) Put Virams on (albeit poorly)
Step Four) Try to run 6 miles.

Lucky for you guys, I tested that out for you, and it does indeed work. If you're planning on doing any running, start with a trip around the block, then the next day do two trips, next day three trips, etc, until after about 2 weeks you're running three miles or so. That's the proper way to do it apparently. And also a good way of rehabbing your foot after you fracture it.

So, I've had these shoes for about a year now, and I've been experimenting with them in different facets. Running, weightlifting, Going to the beach, walking on small rocks, doing wall taps, skateboarding, drinking beer, and playing house. It works for some things better than others, but they're just fun to wear. Also, they're kind of like always walking an ugly dog because no matter where you go people look at you and ask you if you dressed yourself in the morning, and why your socks are so fugly.

Anyways, I decided that I wanted to branch out and take my shoes hiking up Camelback, because that sounds rad.
The first time I went up, I decided to go up Echo Canyon, which is the steeper side, which also has the added benefit of having large smooth boulders, which turn my toe shoes into Super Elite Ninja Warrior Shoes, and gives me +5 mountain climbing ability.
The second time I went up, I went up the Cholla route, which more more like a traditional 'hike' and less like a mountain climb. In Arizona, what this means is that there are rocks the size of you fist scattered all over the trail that I assume have been sharpened by ancient Native American warriors, and placed point up to stab hikers. Typically, one would think of this trail as being easier than the other, but going from having been endowed with super toe shoe speed and fortitude, to having my shoes become what felt like light fabric between my feet and Navajo arrowheads.
During one of these foot stabbing occurrences, I slipped off the rock that had been maiming the bottom of my left foot, and in an effort to make myself look cool, I did one of those no-I-didn't-trip-I-just-started-jogging-for-no-reason maneuvers, and while doing this and simultaneously trying to go uphill, I smashed my right foot into a huge piece of schist. I don't know for sure how, but my friend I was hiking with said that a rock formation suddenly jutted up underneath me. Probably due to some seismic activity from the new Kanye West and Jay -Z album dropping today.
Instead of doing what I probably should have and checking my toes or turning around, I kept going. Yes, I kept going dear readers, because I wanted to give you an accurate account of what it was like to hike in Vibrams. You're welcome.
So I made Camelback my own personal Trail of Tears (too soon?), and limped all the way to the top and back down.
Coming down on the other side with all the boulders wearing the Vibrams, I was able to harness the power of the gecko and kind of spider-man my way down. Coming down on the other side, I teetered and limped like a geriatric pirate across a minefield.

Good news is though, all the toes on my left foot are totally fine! The bad news is that the second to last one on my right is definitely broken, and the middle one is kind of suspect at this point too...

Once again, you're welcome.

If you like what you read, help a brother out and hit  'like' at the top of my facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/n8trainingsystems

National Junk Food Day!!! LOL

July 21st is National Junk Food day according to Yahoo. A day we can take a break from all the hard dietary work we put in on a daily basis. A day we can finally let go of the rigors of packing our lunch, slaving over our whole wheat sandwiches, our brown rice, chicken and broccoli. Finally, the time has come in where just for one day, we forsake our ruthless standards of health and let it all go. Nothing is off limits for us:
Fiery hot Cheetos? check.
Big mac with a whopper on the side? Definitely.
Ice cream with extra sprinkles? Oh yeah.
Non-diet soda? Holla!
Twinkies, ho-ho's moon pies, and snowballs? well, I guess I could have just one (of each)
Tacos, pizza, and cheese steaks? Gotta eat something...

Sometimes it can be so refreshing to cheat a little and let loose right? But we as Americans live a lifestyle of cheating. There is literally no occasion when we're not stuffing our faces with EVERYTHING WE WANT. Think back on the last time you showed moderation during a meal when you didn't have to. The dinner where you take clients out for drinks at the french restaurant and only order hors d'ouvres doesn't count. Abstaining from the 4th brownie doesn't count. I'm talking about the time you order a full pizza and a 6 pack when you're at home alone watching Gilmore Girl reruns. Did you call it quits at 2 slices that night? Probably not.


Right now, my main goal in life is to establish a gag reflex for when I hear terrible excuses, so that I just begin vomiting uncontrollably all over the floor and the guilty party, so that they can feel my pain. Since I haven't been able to accomplish that feat yet, right now what I do is make a list of every time a morally bankrupt excuse offends me on a physical level, and when I go home at night, I slam my hand in the oven door repeatedly. Not a perfect system by any means, but it gets me through the day.

When we go out to eat, it becomes an 'occasion' where we're granted more leniency for eating quantities of food that would put a mongoloid into a food coma. Seriously? How many times do you go out to eat per week. If you're like most Americans, the answer is at least 3.5. Do you just forget what going out is like, and get excited to experience "The Olive Garden" and their real Italian cuisine? If so, God bless you. Life is going to be one fantastic surprise.  If not, you're just looking for another excuse to succumb to your poor eating habits, and it's you who hurt me on a very physical level.

Think about all the times you've made excuses based on very average, most likely mundane events. Nephew's birthday party? Gotta have cake. Aunt Myrtle's funeral? You'd be remiss to not drink 13 beers. It's what she would have wanted! First Friday of the month? Time for funnelcake.  4pm on a Thursday? might as well eat the last doughnut so we can throw away the box. The company should thanks you for this selfless act!

If you wanna look good, just do it. Eat well, and take the stairs. Quit justifying infantile "I see it I want it" behavior, lest I gain control of my gag reflex.

Test Dummies

So, I think I'm going to be putting together a book in the next few months, so that way you can carry around my words of wisdom in your pocket, and re-gift them 3 months later to your mother in law for her birthday. I'm trying to get my publisher to agree to a starting price of 1,000.00 per book, but he seems to think it's more reasonable to start at 7.99. Whatever, like he knows anything.

So I had a small request of you, if you feel the desire, to try out my test workout, which can be done at multiple stages during the book to test your overall fitness level, and how you've been progressing.  Give this a shot, and post your times to the comments if you wouldn't mind.

Just a word of advice, If you've never done anything like this before, don't try to kill yourself by doing it in 5 minutes. Take your time, and if this takes you the better part of an hour, that's totally ok. Take the amount of rest you want to, have a pina colada in between exercises, I don't care. Let me know if you man up and get it done though. If you don't have a pullup bar and can only do the other exercises, no prolem, leave them out. This is just a test.

50 total walking lunges
35 pushups
20 jumping pullups
20 burpees
30 total hands-to-elbows (plank position to pushup position. 15 each side)
10 narrow stance jumps
10 wide stance jumps
30 bodyweight squats hands overhead.


Ratings are below, and include equivalent characters from the Harry Potter movie series.

60+ min: Neville Longbottom in the first movie
45-60 min: Hagrid
35-45 min: The guys that Malfoy is always hanging out with
25-35 min: Dobby the elf
15-25 min: Picachu
10-15 min: Ron Weasly (as played by Wesley Snipes)
5-10 min: Dragons.

Latisimus Dorsi Jihad. The Saga Continues.

In the previous installment of the Jihad series of articles, we talked about what many men consider the only muscle on the front of the body. In this edition, we'll be talking about its counterpart in the posterior region. If you're somewhat familiar with the muscles groups of the body, and you guessed the traps, not only are you wrong, you're also bad at reading the title of the article. If you did manage to  read the title, and also know where your lats are, nice work! But no bonus points.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, this is the way your lats look if you like anatomy and science:




And this is what they look like if you like steroids:







Since becoming Dorian Yates (picture on right) is out of the question and undesirable for most people, we wont spend any time discussing the different types of steroid cycles and how to manipulate your hormones, but I will tell you how to work your lats effectively and safely, so that you can get develop a lean, muscular physique that is flattering to you figure, and makes you look like you have lifted weights before.

One of the major problems plaguing American culture in general, and gym culture in particular is ILS. Imaginary Lat Syndrome. You see it all the time, when homeboy and his crew roll into your friendly neighborhood LA Fitness, rocking white under armor shirts or tank tops that are just a bit too small, and giving the stink eye to anyone who dares disturb their 50 cent fueled reverie with a glance or a nod.

The one major way to if this epidemic would be to get rid of all of the bench presses in the gyms, but to do so would be to incite a riot of pent up testosterone that had previously been unleashed on Mondays (chest day), Wednesdays (pecs and abs) and Fridays (Chest and Bi's), so this option is out of the question.

However, I propose that there is another way out. ILS, meet your match.

Start with a set of straight arm pulldowns or pullovers. The SAP's are one of the exercise I see done incorrectly most of the time at the gym,  because most people only do half of the exercise.
Pullovers are easier to do correctly, and can be done with either a machine, or an adjustable cable. A dumbbell does not work the full range of motion. If you can't find a machine, grab an adjustable cable, put a a bench in front of it, (use a rope, or a bar), and keeping your arms straight, pull from all the way above your head to your belt line, making an arc.

End position: (no need to look behind you)
Remember, keep your arms straight the whole time.

Bonus, this exercise works your low chest and triceps also!


When you're finished with that, head over to the pullup bar, assisted pullup machine, or lat pulldown. If you can do over 20 pullups in a single set, you should be fine with the bar, if not, switch between the bar and the assisted machine, or just use the machine. If that's too much for you, you probably shouldn't be doing this program. If you're hard headed though, grab the lat pulldown machine. Make sure you take a wide grip to start, you can gradually move it in as it gets harder.  Your last set should be done in a neutral position, (palms facing each other.)

Here's where it gets tricky. Your back is stubborn, much like Lindsey Lohan's coke habit. It wont grow unless you force it. It generally takes a high number of reps per set, and a real squeeze at the end of the rep to force some growth. So these pullups will be done with a 4-0-1 rep tempo. That means a 4 second negative (going down), no pause at the bottom, then 1 second up (or as fast as possible.)
Good luck.

Next exercise is a barbell row. Steal a barbell from a bench, plant one side in a corner, and grab the narrow grip handle, stack some 25's on the end (for range of motion) and dye your hair a late 90's blonde color. Now you're ready to start.

I hope that I don't have to tell you too keep your chest up and shoulders back during ALL of these exercises. I heard someone say that the shoulders are poison to your ears. Keep them as far away as possible. Also, abs tight, knees not locked out. etc etc.

Lastly, go over to a standard cable row machine. Attach the wide handles and row as many times as you can at a weight that feels heavy. Shoot for over 35 reps with good form and a squeeze at the end. Don't be a sissy and leave early. Run over to the pullup bar as soon as you're done, grab on and hang. Don't let go. Go for as long as you can from the bottom position. This might destroy your hands and forearms, but that's OK. Long before recliners, most socialization was done hanging from tree branches, so you're just getting back to your roots.

In case you were concerned that I wasn't actually going to lay it out for you, here it is. Lat explosion:

Pullovers: 3 sets 50 reps.

Pullups: 401 tempo 4 sets of 8-10

Barbell rows: 4 sets of 12

Wide Cable rows: 1 set Max reps

Dead hang: 30 sec- 1 min

This workout shouldn't last you any longer that 4 games of Modern Warfare, or around 45 minutes. Stretch out and go home.

Why You're Always Hurting.

I woke up this morning at 4am with but a singular thought in my mind: "I need to write a new article". So I did.

Your posture is horrible.
I am talking to every man, woman, and child that spends time behind a desk, watching TV, traveling on airplanes, taking taxis, pushing shopping carts, and 'running'. You let you shoulders slump forward and you spine round, you let your feet turn out when you walk, and you never stretch your hips. Your muscles are lethargic and have stopped working for you. Probably becuase they don't respect you anymore.
Gone are the days when you could go out for a 30 yard pass without being winded or having some mysterious low back pain, and unless you stop what you're doing right now and fix yourself, you'll never get them back.

The thing I want to focus on right now is the hip flexor complex. Why yours sucks, and what you need to do to make it better.
First of all, a quiz.

1) Does your low back hurt?
Y N
2) Do you ever feel your hips 'pop' or crack?
Y N
3)Is running extremely difficult for you?
Y N
4) Do your knees ever bother you when you're going up or down stairs?
Y N

If you answered yes to 2 or more of these, I can almost guarantee that there is a muscular problem with your hip flexors. This is the muscle that you use to bring your knee to your chest. Since I know you're sitting right now, grab the highest point on one of your thighs with your palm facing down, your fingers on the outside of your leg, and your thumb on the inside. Now lift your leg off the floor. That's the group of muscles we're talking about.

One of the many muscles responsible for the movement you just did is called the iliopsoas, but since you don't care what it's called, and just want to feel and move better, you can call it Tom if you like. I don't care.
Tom is kinda neat, because he attaches to the front of your pelvis, (i.e. the place you just felt) and goes from the front of your body to the back, and attaches to the first five spine joints of your spine. Here's how that looks.

So, it's unique placement in your body has two major effects. First of all, when it gets tight it pulls on your low back, which is why roughly 80% of people in the US at some point complain of low back pain. Ta Da! If your muscles worked, you would never need surgery!

Secondly, by being seated all the time, and when you are walking, not carrying yourself with good posture, you let that muscle go for a long time without lengthening.  If Tom was a moderately handsome guy that had been hanging out with you for a while, taking you to movies, and treating you like a lady, this is akin to telling him that you don't want to ruin your 'friendship', and that's why you wont date him. So, Tom extracts his revenge on you by making everything hurt.

Ready for the good part?
Find a foam roller ($25), a lacrosse ball/baseball ($5-12), or a pipe (Included with every purchase of Clue...).

Lay on your stomach, find those muscles that you found earlier, and put the instrument of torment underneath them, essentially so it's pressing on those muscles. Now roll around on that muscle until you find a spot that really hurts. Now stay there for a while. 20 seconds on each painful spot. You should roll from the top of your hip bone to 3/4ths of the way down your thigh. Don't forget to go side to side either. You never know how much fun you're missing out on if you don't roll correctly.

Just a thought... If you're doing the aforementioned activity, and it does not feel like Voldemort himself is destroying the inter workings of your hips and stomach with his wand of pain, you're not doing it right.

Done with that? Good.

Now, get up and stretch. Stand between two tables, chairs, large dogs or children, (something that you can use to hold yourself up.) and spread your legs apart, front to back. Your front leg should be on the heel, your back leg on the toe. Continue to go deeper until you feel a good stretch. Now hold for 30 seconds.

 Switch legs.
Do it again
And again.

Now that you've stretched both sides 3 times, it's time for a little activation, because not only are you tight, you're also weak. Fix it.

Stand up, put your foot on a chair or stool so that your thigh is almost parallel with the ground. If you look anything like a triumphant action hero, you're doing it right. (Hands on hips for added emphasis) Now, pick your foot up off the chair, hold it for 3 seconds in the air, and put it back down. The range of motion for this movement should be between 2 and 5 inches. It's very small. Do that 20 times each leg. Then do it again.

I've had clients feel almost 100% better after doing this for only a week. But just like anything else, it doesn't work if you don't do it. Also, good news. If you're in the Scottsdale area, and you're have some pain like this that doesn't subside after a week of stretching, or you're just afraid to do it yourself, I'm currently accepting new clients.

Be good.